Who is Esperanza (Part 2)

Hi, I’m Esperanza, if you haven't heard.

In part 1, I quickly talked about myself at first glance. Today I'm going to tell you about my professional experience because a.) this is my personal blog and I can do what I want and b.) it's taken a lot of work to do everything I do and I wanna show it off.

In short, I’m a flutist, educator, and multi-disciplinary creative who believes music, art, and storytelling are the most powerful tools in the world. Creation has saved me more times than I can count. It’s alive, it heals. I’ve followed it through thick and thin; across music, art, education, writing, and even side hustles like pet-sitting, vending at art shows, and my brief era as a chess wizard. Every chapter, big or small, has added another layer to who I am and how I see the world.

Lessons Learned in Many Roles 🌱

I started working pretty young. At 16, I landed my first job at a cookie shop. Though, I think they hired me as an actor more than anything. They had me pretending to mix frozen cookie dough like I was making it from scratch 😒

When I got to college, I stepped into a very different role as Head Music Librarian, managing scores, organizing collections, and supporting ensembles and faculty. It gave me a behind-the-scenes look at how much invisible labor goes into keeping music alive. Speeding through my university career, I came to a turning point where I dropped out of university. (Story for another time) I was burnt out and unsure if music was even for me anymore. So I chose to join AmeriCorps! And I ended up at a literacy program for children. And honestly, I think it is what I needed at the time. Mentally and spiritually, I was struggling during this time, but something beautiful happened at this org, and I realized that my life was felt confusing and empty for a few reasons:

1. I started understanding my lived experiences

2. I started becoming aware of other's lived experiences

3. I learned what community care was about
   

Again, story for another time but I learned a lot. About myself and others... and of course that lead to a lot of self reflection on my personal, professional, and even spiritual life. And the cherry on top was that AmeriCorps has you in a very very limited budget... So much so that I had to continue finding a way to make money and develop my resume. I did just about everything: internships with music organizations, house cleaning, dog walking, pet sitting… all the odd jobs you can think of. All while trying (sometimes clumsily, sometimes successfully) to build my own business. After my year was up, I started working at a non-profit school that scarred me for life (yeah I hate y'all. Y'all did me dirty and you know it). I worked there until I got tired of their bull sh*t and I got to a point where I was tired of doing it all and decided to take a nose dive into my art and coffee business.

Art, My Healer

Before music took center stage in my life, there was art. I’ve been doodling for as long as I can remember; on notebooks, napkins, homework assignments. Doodling was my first language of expression, the way I made sense of feelings that didn’t always have words. Painting came next. Where doodling felt playful and spontaneous, painting taught me patience. Layer by layer, mistake by mistake, I learned how color and texture are vehicles of expression. I didn’t always call myself an artist. I felt I wasn't worthy of the title. But art has always been there as a quiet anchor, reminding me that creativity doesn’t have to be perfect to be powerful.

After I left my last job I decided to commit to my childhood dream, becoming an artist. And well I wont say this where I messed up. Even if it is one of the big reasons why I'm in the financial situations that I am in now. It was one of the most exciting and scariest times of my life! I decided to open up a shop that held my art and eventually make it a coffee shop. In hidsight I can tell you were I went wrong and why but all in all I should have planned it better. It was a big reason why I started this blog, actually. (remember, story for another time!) What I can say about my art is that it gave me more than just skills. It gave me a way of seeing and being. And at this point in my life, I needed that healing and that peace. Truly, I had a lot of fun, and learned a lot, but I made a lot of mistakes. Financial ones. (And I will eventually I will talk about that too) Of course this was one of my most unsustainable chapters of my life because it was life after the shut down and I didn't make smart choices. One of the last events, someone in my circle visited to ask me if I wanted to teach music. Funny how this shop lead to me back to my music career. When I think about it, my experience to this point built the foundation for how I approach everything: from teaching students, to composing music, to running a business. I learned that creativity isn’t about one medium for me — it’s about the through-line of exploration.

Music, My Fire

A little fun fact, I always wanted to do music since I was 4, but I didn’t really get the chance until high school. At first, I dreamed of being an emo punk guitarist and was determined… for about three weeks. Then the flute stole my heart. So much so that I decided to pursue it as a career.

I studied flute performance and musicology at the University of Illinois Chicago and am completing my Master of Arts in Interdisciplinary Studies at Berklee College of Music, with concentrations in music business and film scoring. I like to consider my education being the formative part of my music career. I love learning about this stuff! And just when I think I get sick of it, I gain a new level of appreciation.

I mentioned that I worked in several music orgs across the city-- and how I opened my own shop-- but I haven't mentioned what I do with it now. As a flutist, I'm taking the back seat as a performer (I will be debuting with a group soon) but I'm really focused on my studies... And this cute shop called Melody Mart. There, I lead projects in education, marketing, and community building. Pretty much anything from recruiting and training teachers to creating programs that make music accessible for more families. Even though this is a for profit business, we do our best to do music different. It's honestly one of my favorite places I've had the pleasure of experiencing. I'm still here, and hope to be here for a long time.

Oh, and I forgot to mentions, on top of all that, I also have a publishing and education company called The Anxious Musician! The whole point of that biz is to create resources for musicians navigating the industry. Through blogs, lessons, and videos, I share practical tools and personal reflections to help artists feel less alone in their journey. So you can say that the music industry killed my spirit but music itself became my lifeline, my fire. And through it all I was journaling.

Writing, My Messenger

Over time, started developing the desire to tell people about myself and my experiences. I'm not very good at being in front of the camera (although I will have to be soon enough) and I felt like social media makes it hard for me to want to talk into the void. But at the same time, I never considered writing as part of my creative identity. It was something I had to do for school or for work... which was frustrating to say the least. But never something I wanted to do perse.

I used to write blogs just to write them because it felt like a requirement for business. Before the recent years, if I could just write a polished paper, that would be great. Writing doesn't work that way for me btw; I gotta review it a billion times and will still probably miss something or ramble. But eventually, I started taking writing seriously as a way to build SEO for my websites and for other businesses. Somewhere along the way, whether it was because I started journaling for therapy, or I got better at it, writing became so much more.

Writing turned into the bridge between what I felt inside and what I wanted to share with the world. It showed up everywhere: marketing campaigns, program guides, blogs for music educators, even social media captions that turned into mini-essays. So it became the vehicle that allowed me to process and connect. I want to tell my story. That’s why I started this blog. Not just to write about music, art, or business, but to write through them.

At the Core💛

Eventually I started noticing that when I build a brand, I set up expectations for myself. I had to be Brewja Co, Soltera Creative or The Anxious Musician. But that reality is that I am all those things and more. So here we are, with Musings of a Chicana. This blog is about the everyday. The little musings, the in-between moments, the threads that don’t always tie into a neat bow. It’s about identity, creativity, and learning how to live with both passion and care. So, that’s me. For Now. And maybe later it'll change.

I hope you find something here that makes you feel seen, inspired, or maybe just a little less alone.