IBS and ME
Let me tell you something. I wouldn't wish IBS on my worst enemy. I'm talking about Irritable Bowel Syndrome (AKA I be sh*ttin). Yep one of the unfortunate combination of letters that I have had the displeasure of obtaining. Where does it come from? No clue. Why was I bestowed this curse? I dunno. Can I return it? Absolutely not. It's probably one of the cutest parts of me! Nothing says bad bih like your stomach staging a rebellion every time you eat spinach or stress about literally anything. For years, I felt embarrassed about it and I didn't necessarily know I had it. But the uncute reality is, IBS is part of me it’s taught me to listen to my body in ways I didn’t before. It’s taught me patience (well… kinda). And it’s forced me to prioritize rest, care, and gentleness.
What is IBS?
IBS is evil on earth. It is only given to god's strongest soldiers (please stop doing this to me god). But in all seriousness Irritable Bowel Syndrome is a chronic condition that affects the digestive system. The fancy definition says it’s a “functional gastrointestinal disorder,” which basically means your gut rebels for no medically obvious reason. Symptoms can include abdominal pain, bloating, diarrhea, constipation, or (my personal favorite) all of the above. At the same time. While it’s not life-threatening, it is life-altering and it is finnicky. Literally, anything can set it off such as stress, food triggers, hormones, or it's hot out so might as well set it off. And of course there's no magic cure. All I can do is manage it through food changes, stress reduction, sometimes medication, and regulating.
When IBS Made its Grand Entrance into My Life
I can’t pinpoint the exact moment I got IBS. No matter how hard I try to retrace the events, there isn’t one clear day when my digestive system decided it was going to melt down on a weekly basis. Looking back, though, there were definitely signs as a teen-- random stomach aches, salads being digested in 10 minutes or less-- ya know, the usual symptoms of IBS. I had brought it up to my PCP at the time and they told me to lose more weight and I totally didn't internalize that😒. So I did what any teen would do and decided I was f*cked. And it was like that for years.
Things escalated after the shutdown. I think it was a combination of old symptoms plus all the stress and chaos of 2020 that wrecked my nervous system. By 2021, it was undeniable. That year was the worst. My symptoms were out of control, to a point where I didn't want to leave my house. I was googling one night about IBS and found a specific article that talked about survivors of sexual assault and IBS. And one of the sections talked about how that should be information shared with your PCP. At this point, I was desperate and finally reached out to a [new to me] PCP to figure out what was happening.
Life Currently
While I WISH I could tell you I have it all figured out, the reality is that I've only been able to manage it enough to be somewhat tolerable. I have an ongoing list of what triggers me and to what extent. I have been getting in a daily walk, followed a version of the FODMAP diet, managed my stress. Basically everything except that poop transplant.
That said, I think I've gotten to a point where I'm comfortable knowing it's a condition I have to deal with and I will have good days and bad days. Eventually, I plan on sharing more in depth how I figured out my trigger foods and what's worked for me and what hasn't. For now, all I can do is take it day by day and find the closest bathroom.
Is There a Silver Lining?
Lol. No.
Okay, maybe a tiny one. If nothing else, IBS keeps me humble. It reminds me that no matter how much I try to control or plan, my body sometimes has other ideas. It’s forced me to slow down, to say no, and to treat myself with more care. That's all I can get out of it. Like I said, I wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy. 0/10. Would not recommend.
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